she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
