All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I'm sobbing to NWA
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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