im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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