We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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