wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
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