Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
