i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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