if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize