We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Randomize
