You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
