Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
