You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
