So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
