Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
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