hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
