she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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