You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
where am i from again
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
