this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
