So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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