Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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