I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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