I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
