5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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