Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize