Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
