So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
