hell yes lets make some ravioli
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
