My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
