So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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