life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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