One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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