Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Acid is not a monday night drug
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
