There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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