I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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