I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
17 year olds will be the death of me.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
