not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
