So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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