I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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