I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
