you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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