The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
