She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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