it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Did you just see the Batmobile???
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
