Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
