The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
