It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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