i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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