I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My vagina is officially offended.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
