The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
