I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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