I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
