super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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