how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
