Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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