I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
