Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
How drunk are you?
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