Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
