could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
