I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
