hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
